We’ve all been there, thinking we’ve absolutely nailed the process only to be met with the dreaded email of, ‘it was great to meet you, unfortu-‘. Save it Brenda from HR, you needn’t bother.
There are seven realllllyyy irritating steps to the interview process. So stress inducing in fact, that you end up questioning your entire existence on planet earth. Was I even cut out for the role? Perhaps they lost my number.. and my email… and my address. Yep, I feel another panic attack coming on. So you know, the usual. Having been on a million and one interviews in my lifetime, I’m something of an expert (not really). And so, with that said here are seven terrible stages before eventually getting the gig.. or you know, not getting the gig.
Stage 1, Applying:
If of course you have the patience, there are usually a minimum of five pages filled with a number of questions to complete. This is often AFTER the initial uploading of your CV, because of course, your entire career history, complete with references and a covering letter specific to the company’s needs isn’t enough. Here, just take my soul, I could really use the money.
Stage 2, The (First) Wait:
After finally completing the application and receiving the inevitable ‘thanks for your application’ email. One must wait up to two weeks, in order to find out if you’ve even reached the actual interview stage. Ok, cool. Not stressing at all.
Stage 3, Initial Telephone Interview:
The email hath arrived! You’re in! Well sort of, because of course they want to interview you before they can interview you. Makes sense. But I mean at least at this point, you can still refer to notes on pieces of paper and buzzwords you’ve jotted on your hands because let’s face it, you’re probably still in your PJ’s.
Stage 4, Scheduling a Second Interview:
No sorry, I have a ‘prior engagement’ scheduled for that morning that isn’t going to work, perhaps the following afternoon at 2pm? Not available? Okay perfect, next May 2017 works well in my schedule too. This stage is only made even more difficult, when scheduling an interview during your usual working hours, yes it is possible to have three doctors appointments in one week boss. I’ll have you know I’m very ill!
Stage 5, Trying to Remember Everything You Studied:
Much like that of your A Levels or GCSE’s, was an overnight cram enough? WAS IT?!
Stage 6, The (Second) Wait:
It’s all over… or is it? No more interviews, no more face to face interactions with potential employers. Now, all that’s left is the overly intense and stressful wait for a definitive answer.
Stage 7, The Eagerly Awaited (or Dreaded Rejection) Email:
I’ll be the first to say it, there is absolutely nothing worse than waiting on the ‘bing’ sound on your computer, alerting you of a new email, only to be sent an array of spam instead. It’s as though all retail establishments waited specifically until that point, just to mess with you. Sick bastards. I mean sure, 60% off sounds great and all, but I’m trying not to enter the panic oblivion right now OK!? Maybe later.
Lather, rinse, repeat.